happiness

today attend service pastor how talk about happiness it recall me when i am young .. that time when i am young the thing of happiness is to like fairly tales and then when i slowly grow up the i realize not really cause you never know the true ending of the fairly tales is prince and princess really happy together ?? no one know .. maybe author of the stories know hahah.. as age grow start to see outside world is not a warm place everyone start to have the dog eat dog game and backstabber game .. that turn the world to be miserable.. and everyone start to not trust and life in the depend thing that is on material way or worst it turn out to be man depend on man .and is ok but soon you will realize your life can't live without the thing or man you depend and once they are gone you will felt more fake .. and sad ..no more smile but tiredness is life suppose to be like tt why can we be more real in the way we are and not fake or depend so much on thing that not meant for us.. look on the bright side life can be better then you think

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the reason why i dont like cakes

some time is always hard to tear down the pride that you on.. some time is cause you was hurt so badly in the relationship and turn out you dont trust ppl .. and wear alot of mask. and turn out to forget who you are in life and being so fake about life even have to force yourself to smile and act sad that you dont even felt sad .. i used to be like that i lost my dad when i am young became a gal who dont like to cry in front nothing more for me to cry as my dad my love have left as i though and that turn out my strong pride like to challenge thing and fight to cover my fear of love to others .. even in relationship will end out to be coward. cause as the person give me love the more pressure i felt that i felt one some how the ppl wl just left me alone and all alone the fears in me and it will bought back how my dad left me the fears me turn back to be like a child .. and every time ppl ask wat i want the most i want to tell them i wish my dad will hold my hand again and cut cake with me just like i am young but all is over .. recently packing the house and saw some photo that my dad have and watch some video click .. it stir the feeling in me again and my tears jus fall on my face .. and i realized one thing now as i am in church the love that i get now is everlasting cause this person is Jesus and slowly is just erase the fears and the mask i am not play gal who toy around the relationship as i am fears so sometime ppl will think that is actually i am trying to love .. now i can cause He taught me love